There was a time in my life when I had never been to a funeral.  I knew what death was all about, but I’d only had to face it in the abstract.

First there was the period where it was my grandparent’s, then parent’s, generation that was the cause of all the funerals.  It was sad, often tragic, but it was a part of the understandable circle of life.  People get old and then die.  It’s the way things are supposed to work.

Then one day, death hit my generation.

All of a sudden it wasn’t about distant relatives or “old” people.  Death struck people I knew.  People that were only a few years older than me, and on some occasions, even younger.  It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t fair.  Death sucks!

I’m grieving right now for a friend who had a massive heart attack and left us suddenly.  He leaves behind a wonderfully charming and beautiful wife, along with a son and grandchild.  His sudden passing leaves a hole in a circle of friends that will never be quite the same again.

Unfortunately, I’m going to need to travel this path again – and I fear it will be in the near future.  Death has met my generation, and is apparently making really good friends with it.  No matter how I try, I can only keep it away temporarily.

I’m trying to be strong, to be a good friend, to be supportive, and to keep memories in a happy heart.  But death really sucks!

Image credit:  SXC

Last week I lost a 15 year member of my family, my Siamese cat Benjamin.  He was a rescue cat, and although he was never the warm cuddly kitty that I may have hoped for, he was greatly loved.

My remaining cat, Misha, was bereft without a buddy to play with.  And while you can never “replace” a lost pet, you can open your heart and welcome someone new into your home.

It’s going to take while for everyone to adjust, but I think this is the beginning of a warm, loving friendship.

Take a look at what some of my blogging friends have done with Photo Friday.

Photo credit:  personal collection

Benjamin came to live with me in the fall of 1994.

I don’t really know how old he was when I found him, all I remember was the way he was shut up in a cage with a bunch of other young kittens.  It wasn’t a good life for any of them, and I had to take one little guy home with me.

I snuggled him in a blanket and had a box to carry him home.  I remember how pitifully he cried, and how he cowered for days.  It broke my heart how scared he was of voices and people and noises.  But I knew that he would now have a good home; a home where he would be well fed, have room to run and jump and play, and where there was enough love to always keep him safe.

Although Benjamin loved the four legged residents of the house, he never really warmed to people.  Loud voices or noises would cause him to go to ground.  He never became a lap cat and was never one to snuggle up next to me.  More often than not, he’d be content to find a bed to curl up on and was happy if he wasn’t disturbed.

Then one day I noticed that Benjamin had started slowing down.  He’d even let me pick him up – although I know that he still didn’t like it.  He walked a little bit slower, slept a little bit more, and had a little tougher time jumping up on the bed for his catnap.  As tough as it was to acknowledge, I think I’ve known for some time that Benjamin would be leaving soon, that the time was coming when I could no longer keep him safe. 

That time came earlier this evening, when his little heart just gave out.

The sweet little kitten who started out life in the most pitiful way had nearly 15 years of shelter, safety, and love.  I’m terribly sad right now, and I worry that there may have been something more that I could have done to help socialize him a little better.  But slowly, the days will get better.  And I’ll be able to look at pictures of him without feeling quite so sad.

Today, I’ll just let the tears flow.  There’s time to start healing tomorrow.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.  When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.  There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.  All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

– author unknown

Things I love on Valentine’s Day — and every day!

1. Family & Friends
2. Misha & Benjamin
3. Seattle
4. Travel
5. Travel bloggers
6. Red wine
7. Champagne
8. Figs
9. Massages
10. Soft, comfy pajamas
11. Wii Fit
12. Bubble baths
13. Day dreaming
14. NYC
15. Email
16. Sappy movies
17. A good book
18. Holding hands
19. High heels
20. Shopping
21. Dressing up
22. Chips & Salsa
23. Good fitting jeans
24. Kindle
25. Prada Infusion d’Iris perfume
26. Diamond earrings
27. Rubies
28. iPhone
29. Catching up with friends
30. Paris
31. Bananas Foster
32. Twitter
33. Sunsets
34. Hot cup of tea
35. Sunshine
36. Hotel rooms with a view
37. Flowers
38. A perfect hair day
39. Italy
40. Learning to take photos
41. Chocolate
42. Fresh grapefruit juice
43. Guadalajara
44. Mac & Cheese
45. Vodka Tonics with pear vodka
46. Latin music
47. Hats
48. Pedicures
49. Love letters
50. One more morning. . . .

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Image credit:  SXC

Like a lot of people around the country, I was glued to the television on Inauguration Day. 

I was struck by how our passing of leadership, from one administration to another, goes rather smoothly when compared to some parts of the world.  While many people now debate all the little hiccups of the day, I continual to be struck by how a gracious and graceful exchange ushered out and in a new leader and accompanying administration.

When I was younger, I had a pen pal in what was the called East Germany.  She was a teacher behind the Berlin Wall.  Our letters were full of stories about work, life, and love.  I’d share my vacation adventures in Hawaii and she’s share her adventures at the Black Sea.  Despite having lots of questions to ask her about what it was like to live in East Germany, I was always very careful to say nothing that would cause her harm should the letter be read by anyone else.  I have absolutely no reason to think that our mail was censored, but my imagination ran rampant.

Years later, when the Wall was down and she moved about more often and freely, I asked her a few more specific questions about what life had been like growing up.

She said that she a change in leadership meant a tank would roll down the street and there would be military men marching in the street.  As a child she’d look out the window happy, because it meant that there would be no school that day.

When I asked her what freedom now meant to her, she said bananas and pineapples.  Behind the Wall, she said, the fruit wasn’t very good.  And now she had more shopping options and she loved the bananas and pineapples.

She and I lost touch over the years.  But on many times on Inauguration Day I thought about her several times.  Now that a unified Germany is a little more mature, I wondered what she thought about a change in leadership, and how freedom looked and felt to her now. 

On a day of historical significance, I thought about freedom and what it means to me, and has always meant to me.  And I thought about bananas and pineapple.

Photo credit:  wikimedia

I’m currently grounded with a fractured toe and sprained foot.  The injury happened when I slipped down the stairs while vacuuming.  That’s not a terribly interesting story, so I’m saying it was a skiing injury while I was in the Swizz Alps.  

If you know me well, you’ll know that it’s an obvious lie.  But if not, it’s a whole lot more sexy than saying I was vacuuming.

For the next week or two, I’m confined to bed.  Well, bed, couch, whatever.  The point is that I”m supposed to keep my foot immobile and not put any weight on it.  As it begins to heal up, then I can slowly increase my activity level until I’m back to full strength.  The doctor said it would take awhile just to get back to 60-70% healed, and then it would continue to improve more gradually from there.

While playing hooky for a day to lounge on the couch, watch movies, and eat bon-bons is a wonderful idea, when it’s not a day or way of your choosing, it’s not anywhere near as much fun.

But here I am, lounging away.  Spending lots of time writing, web surfing, talking on the phone, reading, and watching movies.  It’s a sad day when the highlight is the Elvis Presley movie marathon that’s going on.

I’m getting used to it, though.  A good thing since I have a long ways to go. 

But I’m out of bon-bons!

What a way to welcome in the New Year!

It’s always fun to start the New Year looking forward and thinking about what might come to be.  It’s a day full of high hopes and lofty goals.  A day when I’m charged up and ready to change myself and the world.

Somewhere during the course of the year, and it’s usually sooner rather than later, that enthusiasm wanes a bit.  And before you know it, all the excitement of what was to be becomes regret about what could have been.

This year, more than ever before, I am committed to not letting that happen.

I am committed to making 2009 the year that IS instead of letting it devolve into the year of what could have been.

I’m not yet ready to share publicly my hopes, dreams, and goals.  But when I do, I’ll be asking you to come along with me and support me on the journey.

I wish for all of you a very, very Happy New Year!

Image credit:  SXC

A Very Merry Christmas to you!

Image credit:  SXC

Some photos from my snowy yard

I can only take being snow-bound so long before I’ll start going crazy.  I’m rapidly approaching that point.

photos from personal collection